How much does it cost to know Jesus? Well, it depends.
In one sense, following the Lord is entirely free. Scripture is robustly clear that we cannot earn the grace of God. We cannot buy His forgiveness. None of us deserve the salvation that our Savior alone provides. No amount of sacrifice, effort, or work would ever be enough to merit any part of our redemption. Grace through faith alone is the recipe (Eph. 2:8-9).
Yet, in another sense, the grace by which we are saved never remains alone (Eph. 2:10). Ultimately, walking with God will cost you everything. He demands your whole heart and life. Your family and loved ones belong to Him. Your wealth and possessions are rightly His. Your future and dreams must bend to His direction. We are but stewards who manage the reality God entrusts to us.
C.S. Lewis aptly explained, “Every faculty you have, your power of thinking or of moving your limbs from moment to moment, is given to you by God. If you devoted every moment of your whole life exclusively to His service, you could not give Him anything that was not in a sense His own already.”
Thus, every moment of every day is for Him. Every dollar we accumulate is for Him. The job we go to is for Him. The family we enjoy is for Him. The future we seek is for Him. Nothing about our lives is off limits when we identify as a Christ follower. These parameters are key to understanding one of the stranger statements Jesus made during His earthly ministry. The first time I read these particular words it took my breath away.
“If anyone comes to Me,” He said, “and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple (Luke 14:26).” Even when you understand that Jesus is using hyperbole, the statement remains jarring.
How can these words possibly be true in light of the Bible’s seemingly contradictory imperatives? Scripture instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25); wives are told to respect their husbands (Eph. 5:33); children are to honor their parents (Ex. 20:12); and a refusal to provide for your family is a sign of unbelief (1 Tim. 5:8). Even more broadly, Jesus Himself insisted that we should love our neighbors (Matt. 22:39) and enemies alike (Luke 6:27). Christians from every generation have correctly understood that love is a hallmark of genuine faith.
So, what biblical principle could possibly emerge from such a direct, unexpected command? To understand our Savior’s application, we need to first appreciate that varying degrees of love are not only normal, but also healthy. For instance, as a Christian man I want to love all people generally by being a good neighbor. But, as the pastor of a local church, I love the congregation I serve differently because of the beautiful relationship that exists between a flock of believers and their earthly shepherd. Additionally, though, I have close friends that I have laughed with, hurt with, and rejoiced with whom I love at an even greater level.
Yet, none of these remarkable friendships even compare to the deep connection I have with my family. I love my parents more than anyone on the outside because they gave me life and shaped the man I am today. My children are at a greater level still, because as bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh I see myself and the future in their eyes. But my wife, my precious helpmate, is my greatest earthly love. Because we are one flesh, both her successes and burdens are equally mine. No one even begins to compare to her.
These degrees of love are not only proper, but they also promote healthy boundaries by which I protect the people closest to me. We should love ALL people, but NOT in the same way. Relationships of all kinds are important, but none should compare to those between parents and children, brothers and sisters, husbands and wives.
Except for one.
When Jesus speaks of hating those who are closest to us, He is not suggesting that we loathe, resent, or despise family members. Rather, His principle is intended to compare and contrast. The idea is that as much as you care for your relatives, and even yourself, you should love them LESS than you love God. The things and people you prize the most in this life must pale in comparison to your love for Christ. In terms of depth and degree, being a disciple of Jesus means that we love Him even more than our families.
Realizing how costly such a commitment is, our Savior offers two parables to drive His point further home. Just like a builder who constructs a tower will first assess the obligations of construction (Luke 14:28-30), we must decide if we are willing to pledge ourselves to the Lord without reservation. Or, if you prefer, like a king who calculates the probability of victory before going to war (Luke 14:31-32), we reckon with the price to be paid before identifying ourselves with Christ.
In a modern world that continually dumbs down the gospel and dismisses the importance of doctrine in an effort to make it as easy as possible to follow Jesus, these words are particularly sobering. To the contrary, our Savior is saying that every person is free to decide that the Christian faith is not for him, but he is not free to redefine what biblical faith is. You are free to make whatever choice seems right to you, but you are not free to categorize anything less that total surrender, affection, and commitment to Jesus Christ as Christianity. Count the cost and choose carefully.
Adam B. Dooley
January 21, 2026
